Gregory seems to be handling it well. Of course, he has the typical "fever" behavior. Tired, lethargic. He has been incredibly cooperative and so willing to be prodded, tested and examined. There are the ever so sweet moments of "Mommy, will you come lay with me?" and whispered "Mommy.......... I love you." How can you pass that up. I am so grateful that this experience has not caused any fear between he and I. If anything, Gregory and I will have a closeness that he will not have with anyone else. Thankfully, too, it's mother & son. I cannot imagine going through this with a partner. To all you partner caregivers? Bravo. You are CERTAINLY heroes. Which leads me to the significance of our departure date. May 11. This is the birthday of a very dear friend. He is a 11or 12 year Leukemia, Bone Marrow Transplant survivor. His wife/caregiver holds a very special place in our family's story. A place that no one else will ever touch. I don't think she realizes how special she is to us. Barbara, you are. Always have been. Always will be. Now it's even more special.
When this man's story of Leukemia was originally shared with me, I paid little to no attention to it. Cancer has always been one of those topics that I did not want to know ANYTHING about. Not because it didn't interest me. I'm a voracious gather of information. I just believed that it would never affect me. Why put my energy toward something so devestating and hopeless. How wrong I was. Yes, at times it is devestating and hopeless. Then there are the times of such sweet awareness. It brings the beauty of perspective. Friends advocating for things they never would have before. Channeling ABBA when people tell Gregory that he's a "Trooper". Curtis asking me today, with such concern, if Gregory's illness would delay our trip to Seattle. Both kids asking when we would be home and simply accepting it, knowing that we will be home soon enough and that we love each other. Larry being available for me to rant and rave about totally unrelated stuff. A Dyson! Family pictures! The security of being HOME. The clarity of rejoicing in the simple stuff. I always have. Yet I've always longed/dreamed of more. Different. I still do, but without the pressing NEED to have it. It's there, in the distance. Attainable. In due time. We have today, and that is more than enough.
Tonight I'd like to have one of the nurses explain all the different results in his labs. Especially the differential part. Gregory's white count is continuing to drop, except it's starting to get super close to the LOW level. I asked what we would to if this happened and I guess he would get a shot of Neupogen. What a delicate dance. I'm also not sure what his blood is doing, in order to fight this virus. If it can do anything. It's all such a mystery. Every case is different.
I'm gonna go and see if I can line up some education. 'Til later. Gotta jet.
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